A Wedding at the Edge of Insanity, North Carolina.

Wednesday May 25, 2011-
7:45 A.M.- I woke up, finished packing my duffel bag, cleaned my Bersa Thunder, drank a cup of Earl Grey tea and watched the news talk about the previous day's tornado outbreak.

8:10: I checked my course from Tecumseh, Oklahoma to Insanity, North Carolina (somewhere in the central part of the state) on Yahoo! Maps. My final destination was a few miles before that, near the town of Catwba. First, I had to switch cars in Dallas, Texas.

8:30: Threw the bags in the car. Stopped at the Kwick Stop and bought a bottle of water and a bag of sunflower seeds. The mouth has a tendency to get a bit dry when one conquers a long drive with the help of various stimulants.

9:00 A.M. Wednesday-4:30 A.M Thursday: Driving. Made it to Oxford, Alabama before fatigue became too much to battle.

8:45 A.M. Thursday: Back on the road. Drove through Atlanta, Greenville, Gastonia.

Sometime early evening Thursday. Arrived at destination.

Friday 8 A.M.: Left to pick up wedding partiers at airport in Greenvile, then back to the rally point for a few hours.

Late Afternoon: Drove to a rendevous 20 miles from the North Carolina-Virgina line to swap cars and pick up another passenger, then back to the house at midnight.

Mid Night-4:30 A.M. Saturday: Moments of masculine bonding, pissing of women, shots, beers, shots, more pissed off women, acts of unintetional violence, shots.

6:30-8:00: Strange conversations that ranged from God, to politics, to 9/11 conspiracy theories, to The John Birch Society...Oh and something about how marriage is great and every man who is worth a damn should be married.

8:30 A.M.: The Marriage Pusher's wife discovers that he's been up all night and sets off what I call "Slaptober Fest 2011"   

8:34 A.M.: As a nearly full whiskey bottle misses a skull by inches, I decide to give these two some privacy and take a morning stroll down to the lake.

The rest of the day is typical wedding stuff. The kind of tension and insanity that would make you rather smother yourself in Jet-A and jump through a flaming hoop.

Party begins: Shots, beers, shots, beers, pissed off women, more shots, beers, Tatratea, pissed of men, shots beers, fun, fun, fun, pissed of kids, beers, fun, I think someone wrecked a car, drunk white guy says racial slur,beer, shots...

There is so much more, but in the intrest of the Fifth Amendment I will share those with friends on a one-by-one basis.

It was a great trip, but I still can't figure out why the plane didn't crash on my flight home. Maybe the Cosmos is waiting for my sins to pile up and hash it all out at once?